The Fall of the House of Membrane
by Invader Phoenix
Summary: One of America's great author's works come back, but this time with your favorite Invader Zim characters. A series of dark oneshots parodying the works of Edgar Allen Poe...
1. The TellTale Squeedelyspooch

**Welcome. This story plays off of the works of one of America's most famous horror writers: Edgar Allen Poe. This fic is a series of oneshot Invader Zim parodies of some of Poe's works of horror fiction. Please enjoy, and keep in mind that this WILL be a dark story.**

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><p>The Tell-Tale Squeedly-Spooch<p>

**The Tell-Tale Heart is one of Edgar Allen Poe's most famous works of horror. This short story tells of a man who committed murder, and suffered guilt after doing the deed in a very unusual way. This adaptation of the classic tale is quite similar. Zim shall act as our narrator.**

I tell you now that you will think me mad, madder than the Dib-human, when I tell you of the events that took place that evening. But don't think that way, inferior humans; I do not suffer from insanity. Because I am a superior being, my senses are sharp and sensitive, perhaps to a fault. I want to make this perfectly clear: I am not a madman.

Why I did it is an odd reason. I loved the Irken general, who had been staying at my home whilst I was under inspection. He'd never done me wrong. The general had a kind heart, and never before thought of doing harm to me or calling me an insult. No, it was his eye that troubled me. While one was magenta, a pure ruby, the other was light blue. This blue eye pierced through my soul; I felt fear and rage at simply the sight of it. And, because of this evil eye, I decided to kill him.

You can't take me for an insane Irken because of my choice to murder him. I am surely proven sound by the caution I took to commit the foul deed. Each night, for seven long nights, I snuck into the general's room while he slept, a lantern in my gloved hand. It took me an hour to open the door, and another to stick my head inside, and yet another to unveil a thin beam of light from the candle. I moved slowly so that he would not detect my presence in his chamber. I could not have him know I was there. He may shout my name, or know my intention, for that eye saw more than appearances.

It was on the eighth night that I opened the door to observe the general when I accidently bumped the lantern on the wall. He moved in his sleep. Not sure if he had awakened, I stayed still. For the longest time, no one made a sound. I continued my usual routine, never taking my eyes off the general.

When I began to open the lantern, he shot up in bed like a laser beam, and that single ray of light fell on that eye!

Filled with the fury of the sight and the knowledge that I had been found, I raced to his bed and smothered him in his sheets as he attempted to scream. I could hear the beating of his squeedelyspooch as I pressed down the blankets. And in the end, he was dead.

You surely think me mad now, yes? But I assure you, I am not! What I did to cover up the deed was ingenious- far too brilliant for a madman! Once I was sure he was dead, I took a laser and used it to dismember the body. Head, torso, and limbs were all separated. I then used the gun to cut off a few floorboards. I inserted the body into the hole and put the boards back in place. With the body hidden, the boards sealed as if nothing had disturbed them, I grinned proudly at my magnificent success. The eye was gone forever!

There was a knock at the door of the chamber. I answered it promptly. On the other side of the threshold were three other Invaders: Skoodge, Zee, and Tenn.

"The man who lives here sent out a distress signal from his PAK," Tenn explained. "The empire suspects a murder."

Zee spoke up. "Would you mind if we inspected this room?"

I smiled politely. "Yes, take all the time you need." There was no need to cover up anything! I had hidden the evidence too well; there was no hope of their finding the body! "The general went out for a walk. But, please, feel free to do whatever you like."

Skoodge and Zee inspected the scene while Tenn questioned me. All my answers were calm. I had nothing to worry about.

Finally, Skoodge announced that there was no evidence of murder. He concluded that the signal must have been a glitch. I asked them to stay for a while. I called my SIR to cook them something, and he arrived with waffles and Vortian tea. I sat with them, and we had I fine conversation. Without the worry of murder, the Invaders were cheerful and pleasant. This was perfect!

_Bum-bum. Bum-bum._

After a short time, I began to hear a curious noise. I quickly dismissed it as my imagination, or perhaps GIR doing some crazy thing or another downstairs. Ignoring it, I listened to Skoodge's story about training on Hobo 13.

The noise grew louder. Whatever GIR was doing, he had to stop. But then I saw him in the hall through the open door, playing with a rubber pig. He wasn't making the noise. What was it?

_Bum-bum. Bum-bum._

I tried to join in on the conversation, but that infernal sound distracted me. It was louder and a bit faster. I began to grow nervous. What on Irk-?

_BUM-BUM. BUM-BUM._

The others smiled and laughed, but the noise grew louder and faster still. I could feel myself panicking on the inside. The noise's volume increased again, as did the tempo.

_BUM-BUM. BUM-BUM._

Louder, louder, faster, faster! The horrible racket, filling the room, clouding my senses!

_**BUM-BUM! BUM-BUM!**_

I looked frantically at the others, but they smiled at me and convered like nothing was happening. How could they not hear- No, they did hear! They were playing a game with me!

_**BUM-BUM! BUM-BUM!**_

I had to hold out, I had to, had to beat them! But that HORRIBLE SOUND!

_**BUM-BUM! BUM-BUM!**_

"AAAAAAGH!" I screamed and leaped out of my chair. "I ADMIT IT! I KILLED HIM! LOOK UNDER THE FLOOR, RIGHT THERE! AGH, OD YOU HEAR IT? THE BEATING OF HIS SQUEEDELY-SPOOCH!"


	2. The Metal Box

**"The Oblong Box" is one of Poe's stories that isn't quite a famous. However, upon reading it recently, I felt that this should be the next addition to our little collection. The story tells of a sea voyage shrouded by questions surrounding a friend of the narrator. Gaz shall narrate this story.**

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><p>THE METAL BOX<p>

I boarded the ship on a sunny July morning. My brother was captain of the vessel, which was headed to Baltimore over a two-week trip. Though partially sickened by the cheery atmosphere, I felt it would be a good enough day. A friend of mine, Tak, was also coming on the journey. I hadn't seen her in a long while, and she'd recently gotten married. She'd told me about him, but I'd never seen the groom.

The party had rented three rooms on board, but I didn't know why. There were four of them, Tak, her husband, and two robots. But the newlyweds would share a room, as would the androids, so what could the third room be for? The robots were as good as servants, so that wasn't the reason. Perhaps it was for merchandise. After all, Tak was a successful weapons dealer. Yes, that had to be it. There was no other explanation.

Tak and her party were the last of the passengers to board. I met her gladly, and was introduced to her husband, named Skoodge. They seemed an odd match. She gave off a mysterious, sly air, while he simply gave off an air of insecurity. He wasn't much to look at, but she hadn't talked of his appearance at all in her letters. Maybe it was because of his personality? You can't know everything about a person by first impressions, but I honestly could not picture her falling in love with him.

We departed soon after they boarded. My friend approached me, asking if I'd help her carry a rather large piece of luggage into her chambers. I agreed.

The object was a long box, at least five feet in length and just less than three feet wide, made of a strong metal. I figured that this box had to contain whatever weapon she'd rented the third room for, but it went in the room she shared with Skoodge. I didn't see how they could live with it taking up so much of their space.

The first few days on the ship weren't too bad. I spent a lot of time with Tak, talking over things, but she seemed…subdued somehow. She was obviously trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but there was obviously something up. This, combined with the oddity of that box, made me suspicious as to the reason to her behavior and the box's contents.

Then there was the mystery of her new spouse. Skoodge was friendly and sociable, laughing along with everyone as he attempted to tell jokes or stories. Though it appeared that everyone laughed WITH him, they were really laughing AT him. He was horrible at telling stories, and he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Combine that with his awkward tendencies and the fact that he was rather funny-looking, it was just asking for trouble. As more and more time passed, I became more and more puzzled about everything surrounding Tak, Skoodge, and the metal box.

After about five days on the ship, there came a series of nights where I couldn't sleep. Too much soda, I guess. Those hours of darkness I spent lying in bed, looking idly out my door. All the rooms were connected to the dining hall of the ship, and the movements of the boat on the waves often caused the doors to swing open. I found that first sleepless night that I could see into Tak and Skoodge's chamber through the open doors. The only illumination was brought by two candles: one at the desk, and one beside the bed, and this was very little.

It was around midnight that I saw it happen. Skoodge, who had appeared to be reading on the bed, stood and blew out one of the candles. He promptly crossed to the door, opened it, and went into the other room. He didn't come back until morning.

Tak, who was sitting at her desk, stood and walked over to the metal box. She was out of range of the candle's light, so I had to rely on my other senses. I could hear her opening locks and latches on the box, as well as a light clang from when she put down the lid. For a few hours, all I could hear was what sounded like sighs, and maybe a tiny cry. But that could well have been the snoring of other passengers through the open doors.

At around five, she quietly closed the box and opened the door to the adjoining room. Skoodge emerged, and all seemed to go back to normal then.

Soda kept me up two more times after this, and each time the same thing happened. Now the mysteries were confounding me more than ever. There were three things that annoyed me more than anything: My brother's yammering, overly cheerful people, and being kept away from secrets.

On the ninth day, I made up my mind to get the truth out of Tak. I needed to be subtle about it. If I asked her all at once about the metal box, her manners, and her husband, things would go wrong faster than you could say 'pizza'.

We were walking on deck, admiring the view of the sea, when I asked her about business.

"It's been going well," she said. "I got some new guns in recently. High-quality ones."

"Any in particular?" I ventured.

She thought for a moment. "The Venus snipers are excellent. They can hit a target from 300 feet away. I have a feeling they'll sell out in a heartbeat in Baltimore."

I looked at her inquisitively. "You brought them on the boat?"

"Yeah," Tak replied.

"You took some pretty precious items, huh?"

"Yep."

"Like that box?"

At these words, she stopped dead in her tracks.

This was the time to get results! "The box? Pretty important items, wouldn't you say?"

I'd always known Tak to be a sly kind of astute, but now she completely broke character. She laughed. It wasn't a laugh of happiness. It began on low, sad notes, but escalated into howls that portrayed insanity. My brother raced over and shook her until she stopped. Her expression was now devastated. She hurried away.

The next day, the storm hit. It came out of nowhere, but after about three hours it had torn our sails and broken one of the masts. The cargo hold below was beginning to fill with water. The masts were cut down and cast into the sea, along with many heavy items belonging to the passengers, in order to get us above the water level. Nonetheless, it was evident that we were sinking.

There were two lifeboats on board. The first, quite long, was filled up and cast off with just about every passenger. I stayed with Dib, Tak, Skoodge, and the robots on board. After making a few final preparations, we headed into the small rowboat with nothing but some rations and fresh water.

The sea was tumultuous, and it was going to be a great struggle to find land. There was little chance of our survival. That, combined with the previous day's outburst, was why everyone thought Tak mad when she insisted upon returning to the ship for the metal box.

"I'm sorry," Dib told her. "We can't stop. We're going to die as it is!"

She glared at him in defiance. "I need to get that box. It won't be much extra weight. I have to get it."

"We can't."

"Please!"

"If we go anywhere near that ship, we're all goners! NO! DON'T!"

But Tak had already jumped overboard and headed toward the ship. Perhaps it was because she wasn't human, but she made it to the ship. In less than a minute we saw her emerge with the metal box. Methodical, she looked around for means of escaping alive, and it seemed that she found an angle from which she could jump within a few yards of the lifeboat. Grabbing a rope, she began to tie herself to the box. But then an unexpected massive wave rolled the ship.

Tak and her metal box were tossed into the sea.

All was silent on our minuscule vessel. They didn't rise out of the water. My brother sighed and manned the oars. All of us did, but there was sullenness in our eyes and hearts, reaching deep down into our souls, cold as the tumbling waters.

Around a month after the wreck and Tak's death, I couldn't bear to guess anymore. I went to my brother.

"What happened?" I asked.

Dib understood. He pulled out a sketch from his coat pocket. "I…I drew it before we left…" his voice trailed off.

The picture was drawn extremely life-like. It was of a figure not too tall, and quite thin. His skin was green, much like Tak's, and he had antennae as well. His eyes were closed, his expression peaceful. He was lying in the box. If his skin hadn't been so pale, I would have sworn he was asleep, not dead.

I couldn't help but let the tears come to my eyes. Dib and I had both known him.

"This was what was in the box," my brother said with a sigh. "Tak's husband."

It turned out that THIS was whom Tak had married, but, a few days before we set sail, he caught an illness and expired. Unable to cancel the reservation on the ship, Tak went to my brother for help. He came up with the idea of shipping the box as cargo, as no one would stay on a ship carrying a dead body. That was the metal box. Her husband's temporary coffin.

I closed my eyes. Evermore, there would be a hole in my heart, reserved for those who didn't deserve their final ends.


End file.
